I am being stalked online.
Can a narcissist stop being a narcissist ?
In short, research shows and the answer is no.
Unless a narcissist is honest with themselves and takes ownership and honestly realises and acknowledges that they are a narcissist and takes sincere steps with the help of God to work towards not being a narcissist, then 99 % chance a narcissist will never change. A narcissist by definition can not be honest and admit their insecurities or reveal their true self or their vulnerabilities.
They project and try to convince everyone else that they have it together and present a false self to others and must hurt and make like others are not good enough to boaster themselves in order to feel better about themselves. Eeven if it means destroying their relationships with others, because their fear of being exposed as a failure or vulnerable or incompetent is so strong, they will do everything to hide it.
This always makes a narcissist to lie and alter reality to keep others on the back foot and trying to appease and rationalize the situation. The narcissist will then change the circumstances again in order to have you come back to seek validation from the narcissist to feed the narcissist need to validate their self value by you continually coming back to them to reconcile with the narcissist. But this is something that they fear that their true self will be found out, so they need to feed the lie by pushing buttons of others which will make them uneasy and to provoke the other into an uncomfortable situation and reaction once again so the victim needs to make sense of the nonsense in order to meet middle ground and reconcile with the master manipulator of situations. Narcissist can never allow their true self be seen or exposed because they are so scared of their true self being exposed and be seen as not as competent as they try to make out to be, which ultimately destroys their relationships.
A narcissist can be all charming and competent and have it all together and try to pretend that there something they are not. Remember a narcissist is so scared and petrified of their true vulnerable self being exposed that they will say and do anything for that not be exposed or seen. Even if it means lying or falsely accusing others in order to deflect attention away from them and to show that it is not them who are incompetent, but it is the others who are incompetent, and only they know how to solve the situation. Others must do what they tell them to, in that way they hide and deflect attention away from their vulnerability and insecurities and draw attention to how bad the other persons are and how they alone have the answer.
They are incapable of analysing or acknowledging anything they have ever said or done, because that would be revealing of themselves, something that they are not capable of doing because of their utter fear of their true self being exposed, therefore they must deflect attention away from themselves and onto others to show how inadequate the other is.
Even though they know that what they are doing is wrong, but their fear has clouded their mind and what is wrong becomes a survival mechanism which then becomes the only way they know how to survive, by manipulating the situation, something they learned as a child. In their mind it is right and justifiable, even though it means destroying relationships. Although they may not want to destroy relationships, the fear of being exposed is so strong that they can not admit what they have said or done. They are not capable of being honest with themselves because of this fear They must at all cost not have their fear of failure or fear of not truly having it all together as they would like to have others believe.
This fear and condition is usually comes from a troubled childhood with a parent or parents who put a lot of pressure on them as a young child. Where as a child they did not feel they measured up to what was expected of them. The demands on the child was more than they could handle and they had to bury their true self and learn how to lie and manipulate the situation and present a false self in order to survive the abusive childhood.
Emotions were pushed down, caring was pushed down, it is they not deal with emotions, but kill the emotions and what they must say and do in order to get what they want. Decency of right and wrong and empathy was never truly developed, but a sense that if I do this then I get that, if I say this then I get that. It is not a case of right and wrong or morals, they learned what they must do in order to survive and get what they want. They were not shown love or affection or decency of empathy or right or wrong what they needed, but what they can say and do in order to get what they want in order to survive. Where there was more expected of them than they were capable of doing.
This fear and behaviour and manipulation has been so entrenched and practiced for so long in their childhood that this way of doing things continued to follow them into their adult life. This continued with the same pattern into their adult relationships, to put on a false self and not to let others see their vulnerability or insecurities. And to deflect their fears and insecurities onto others by demanding from others more than what anyone is capable of doing. Forcing others to live up to an expectation that nobody is capable of living up to, and when that other person does not live up to the narcissist expectation, they expose them as being incompetent and demand perfection from them, and they continue to drill this belief into others that they are not / never good enough. Always exposing in others how bad and incompetent they are and how they need to do what they demand, in order to hide their own fears of their own incompetent and fear of not having it all together. To hide the fact there not what they make out and pretend to be, the fear of their true self being exposed is too terrifying for them. Hence this response will continue over and over again, even if they in themselves may know it’s wrong. It is not something that they can control, because of the fear inside them is too strong. They can not admit or be truthful to themselves or others.
This is why because of this false self being exposed their entire life will collapse and make it virtually impossible for a narcissist to honestly admit and see themselves as a narcissist and change to stop being a narcissist. It is a very fearful thing for a narcissist to admit and expose to others their true self, because it means facing their hurt as a child, it means admitting that they are not as strong as they make out to be.
They learned as a child to become master manipulators of others and of situations. Emotion and empathy for others which was never truly developed as a child, was never really taught or shown them as a child. Since they have taught themselves that to get others to do this and that. They must say and do this and that in order to get what they want from them others, others are a means to get things from. They learn what they must do in order to manipulate the situation to get what they want in order to survive, which they learned as a child in order to survive into adulthood.
They hold onto this fear and it shows itself by the narcissist lashing out at others, controlling and manipulating the situation. However if a narcissist can overcome this fear and realise it is ok not to be perfect, that it is ok not to have it all together, that others will not harm or hurt them if they don’t have all the answers. Then they can start for the first time in their lives free themselves and truly live a life of freedom and liberty, and remove the burden off their chest which is crippling their joy and happiness in life.
They are unable to empathize or sympathize with or for others . But only diflect attention away from themselves and onto others to show and make out as the other person is incompetent and inadequate and no good.
I have met and known about 3 or 4 who openly admit that this was how they use to be, they confess they use to do this and how they would for no reason fight with anyone around them and lived a life of hate and anger and fear of someone else hurting them. Until one day they thought that this was not getting them anywhere and not doing them any good, and it was wearing them out. They decided not to be angry an hour more, they let go of the hurt and bitterness they held onto, and freed themselves from their fears. They now live much more joyful happier fulfilling lives. Some are married now and with children. Others are blessing others with love and compassion and helping others who are going through tough times.
So yes it is possible for a narcissist to change, but for the majority they will never change. The change has to come from the narcissist when they can start being honest with themselves and break down the walls they have built up and to expose the vulnerable side to others which they are so afraid of showing to the world. Hopefully before the damaged is too far done.
I use to live with someone for about 12 months. 12 months of hell on earth. This person had to always accuse and lie and slander and falsely accuse the family members and get them into trouble constantly on a daily basis. They would lie so much and abuse people so much with so many false accusations that they would act as though they believed their own lies. This made living with this person a daily nightmare for those who they lived with each day. The problem was even though everyone in the family could see the problems this person was causing. The person themselves was and is completely blind to the harm they were doing to their family members.
Even though the ones who cared and loved them the most tried to help them and do everything possible to prevent this person from being extremely angry and falsely accusing the family of horrible things. The more they tried to avoid getting into trouble or do things to help with what they person was demanding, the more angry that person became, and the more the requirements changed which made it more impossible to do what they were wanting and demanding, and the more they got into trouble because of that persons demands were constantly changing.
The problem was this person never saw anything wrong with what they were doing, and constantly putting it on the other people accusing them of terrible untruths, and then they would try and justify to others why their wrath was right and justifiable.
Others from outside the family tried to help and support the family but to no avail. This person refused to not lie, or falsely accuse the family members. So much so many times family members would want to be wherever this person was not.
Unfortunately and to the detriment to the family and to those outside the family, this person found friendship with someone who like them to the outside world came across nice and kind, but complete personality change when with family members.
This friend of theirs they utilised to the harm and destruction and ultimate break-up of the family.
This person would use and abuse the family and then this friend of theirs would immediately come as if it were pre-arranged and the friend of the abuser would start abusing the person their friend was abusing. Meanwhile the original abuser would be happy seeing what their friend is doing, then the both of them would go back and live for a little while at the abusers friends place.
Meanwhile while at their friends place their friend would repeatedly call up the family and friends of the one they were abusing and for a long time continue to abuse them also. They would falsely accuse them of many horrible horrific things, making them out to be the most horrible person ever.
They would after a day or 2 or a week sometimes return the perpetrator back to live with the victim of their abuse, only to continually abuse and falsely accuse and lie about them even more, and continually get their family members in constant trouble, often accuse them of the very things they themselves were doing. Only to yet again go back to their friends place. Once again their friend would call up and abuse the family of the victim.
This abuse by this friend of the abusive family member was so horrific and so often and for so long that the family of the abused person dreaded more calls from this abusive persons friend.
All the while this abusive family member fully supported and looked up to this friend of theirs as their saviour.
So often and so strong was the abuse by both the abusive family member and their friend towards the victim and their family that it got to the point that merely just being in the same building as the abusive family member was enough to get the abusive person so angry they could not be anywhere near the victim without continually falsely accusing and abusing them and getting their friend to call the family of the victim and continually abuse them also.
So bad did it get that no matter what the victim said or did not say, or whatever they did or did not do, that the abusive person could not do anything but slander and lie and falsely accuse the victim relentlessly and continuously. Also at the same time the friend of the abuser would be calling up the family and friends of the victim to continue their rage by abusing and falsely accusing to them also.
After dishing out more abuse the abusive family member finally carried out one of their threats which they had continually threatening the victim with, and that was that they would leave. So one night the abusive family member started packing up all their stuff and demanded of the victim to take them to their new home. The abusive family member packed up everything of theirs plus stuff that belonged to the victim and put it all into the car and demanded to be taken to their new home.
Heart broken and devastated and with the abuse continually coming they took them to an accommodation that they knew was nearby and was going to pay for the night’s accommodation, but they were repeatedly told by the abuser to go as they have already paid for the place and that they have to leave. Only to find out a day or 2 later that they had been picked up by the abusers abusive friend and lived with them. And the abusive calls continued to be made to the victim’s family and friends.
So bad was the continue relentless abuse that nobody wanted to or could contact or say anything without either the abusive family member and / or their friend abusing/ lying, falsely accusing and attacking the victim and their family.
So bad and so often was the abuse to both the victim and the victim’s family and friends, that the only thing they could do was have absolutely nothing to do with them. And avoid any and all contact with either the abusive family member and their friend.
Dreaded fear of more continued relentless abuse by either the abusive partner or their abusive friend.
When the abuser was living with the victim the only time the abuser was ever nice to the victim was when they were in need of something, such as to be taken to the doctors for a doctor appointment. Or a legal document needed to be filled in for them, or when they were going to be given an expensive gift. But no sooner were these things done that the terrible horrible abuse continued. When in public places the abuser virtually never wanted to be in same place as their victim. They would either not go with them at all, or walk off on them, or walk so slow to a virtual stopped many times in order not to be walking with or near them.
Finally they were freed of not living with the abuser, finally freed of not continually daily being told off or falsely accused of the most horrendous abominations one could never even fathom.
Many months later finally were the family and friends of the victim free of abusive slanderous phone calls by the abusers abusive friend.
Finally now that the abusive family member left permanently with all their things. For the first month after the abuser left they were still calling up their victim accusing them of horrendous unthinkable things. The only thing anyone can do is in order for sanity and peace and to survive is to have nothing to do with and to not contact or respond to the abusive persons antagonism and messages. Because they know from countless times before, any time they say or do anything that it will spark off that abusive person to fight and argue and lie and falsely accuse them. And that the friend of the abuser will call up and abuse the victim’s family members again.
So for peace and sanity and for the protection of their family against more abuse from the abusers friend they know the only thing they can do is to not respond to the abusive person.
Many months on from when the abuser left and the victim has not contacted or responded to the abusers messages and calls etc, that now the abuser is still continuing to send messages to the victim being nicer to them. Yet still falsely accusing them of untruths, lying about situations and lying about what happened and what was said, and even at one time saying that they hate the victim.
Knowing that the abuser was always continually saying that they are leaving and only waiting for the right time to leave. The abusers friend who was continually saying over and over “divorce divorce divorce” and “take their house car money and everything that the victim had”. How the abuser was always calling their friend their saviour. It is clear to all the only reason why now the abuser wants to get back with the victim.
What the abuser and abusers friend don’t seem to realise that if the lies they were accusing the victim with were only half true, then they should have nothing to do with the person they are always trying to fight with, and yet continually the abuser makes out as though they want to go back to live with the person they were continually abusing.
Although the victim believes it is more peaceful when the abusive person is not fighting with the victim. The abusive person adamantly so very strongly disagree with and fully does not believe that it is more peaceful when there is no fighting.
A big problem is the abuser and their abusive friend do not want to see or accept or realise what they are doing, they don’t agree that they are doing what they are doing. Nor do they care that their words and actions are literally pushing people away from each of them, and making everyone else not want to have anything to do with them. They even deny the very things that they have said and done.
Both the abuser and the abusers friend need to acknowledge their words and actions. Acknowledge and accept what their words and actions have caused.
Since these 2 abusers claim to be believers in a god. Although the abuser themselves stated that they worship a different god to that of their victim. Because the victims believes that they should not lie or slander or falsely accuse family members but rather support and encourage and help family members. Because of this the abuser firmly believes they worship a different god to that of their victim.
Although the abuser adamantly confirms that they do not do caring as it is not them, they said they tell others what they are to do and will continue to do so continually until they do what they want them to do.
Since to many this appears to be a scam orchestrated by the abuser, and yet it seems because the abuser is wanting to go back to their victim, it is believed that the abuser left too soon and earlier than they were ment to in order to scam their victim.
Ultimately these 2 abusers are going to be answerable towards god of whatever version they claim to go by. Ultimately all these different gods that people claim to go by or belief systems people go by, we all go to the same place ( the ground and death ). We all ultimately will leave the world either a worse or better place for it. How will each of us be remembered for ? Are we the people that others would want to be around ? What type of person would we be remembered or thought of as by others ?
In the christian bible it says, if it is at all possible live at peace with all people, what you sew is what you will reap, if not in this life time, then ultimately with the next.
Jesus says that if you go to the alter to present your gift ( offerings ) and know you have somewhat against your brother / neighbour, first leave your gift at the alter, reconcile with your brother, and then make offering of your gift.
Judge not, least you be judged.
If possible if it be in your power to do so live at peace with all people.
Do to others as you would want others to do towards you.
Treat others as you would want others to treat you.
If you bite and devour one another, beware least you be consumed by one another.
There is what seems right to a person, but ultimately are the ways of death.
You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt loses its saltiness then it is good for nothing but to be thrown out and stepped on by the feet of people.
Let your light shine before men that they may see your good works and praise your father who is in heaven.
Lets hope these narcissist will seek help and change their ways and outlook on life before it is too late.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.
We know that if these narcissist were to ever read or see this blog that they would get very angry and hostile. As this is how narcissist respond when their true self is being shown or revealed, as it is their fear of being caught and vulnerabilities shown and their defensive mechanism kicking in to retaliate at a threat to their insecurities. But this blog is not ment as a threat, but in love and healing, it takes time and deprograming to heal from being under a narcissist control for a period of time.
So in the name of love and healing we share the gospel message of Gods love and forgiveness to these abusers. We say to them if they were here to hear, in love and in the name of the son of God we forgive them and love them. We hold no animosity against them, we know that we can not communicate with them or live with them because they will only become angry and full of hate and rage and outburst of wrath. But we hope they pray to God and seek Gods heart and his face, and turn from fear and hate, and invite the love of God into their lives. To over come their fear and hate, to put it aside and give it up and give their fears to God. To live at peace and open life with all. Unburden their heart and lives with all the hostility and resentment, but as scripture says, if it is possible with you to do so then live at peace with all.
Don’t seek to take revenge on those who only ever come in order to show and share and express love. But rather return love with love, leave hate and anger and the alike and embrace peace and love. Lets live together in love and unity, and in peace and sincerity through the grace of God.
This is all we seek, is to live at peace and harmony with one another.
When narcissist are angry and hostile, we do not want to be with such people, as scripture says, do not keep company with such, but rather leave then and wipe the dust off your feet against them. We seek peace and unity with narcissist. Not revenge hate anger or hostility or tension. If this is what you as a person and narcissist want, to fight and argue and seek vengeance and anger, then please do not, I repeat, please do not have anything to do with anyone who wrote this message, or assisted in putting this message together, or any of their family and friends. But rather for peace and sanity, and even for your own peace, avoid the authors and their family and friends, have nothing to do with them. At least this way you will be giving peace to yourself by not retaliating to that which makes you angry.
Give up hate, Give up anger, Give up lies, Give up hostilities, Give up fighting, Give up false accusations, Give up slandering, Give up arguing.
May the peace that comes from God which passes all understanding come into your heart and mind and be given to you.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths, do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil. It will be health to your flesh, and strength to your bones.
Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusted against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envying’s, murders, drunkenness, revelling’s, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.
And please, be at peace with all.
Seek not vengeance, vengeance belongs to God, it is not yours to take.
Do not be unjustly angry.
In the name of God, we love you.
Embrace Gods love and lets live in peace and unity together.
How can 2 walk together unless they agree.
If you have a narcissist with you or suffering from narcissistic abuse, there is help out there for you. There are people who can help over come the narcissistic abuse and help deal with the anxieties and scars caused by the narcissist in your life.
Seek help services such as lifeline and beyond blue. You can be anonymous and not give any of your personal information, they are there to help people in such situations. Please reach out for help, you do not have to go through this trauma all by yourself. Seek help from those who care and love you and who you can talk to openly about without the fear of retribution. Avoid suck situations which will involve contactwith the narcissist which will inflame them in their outburst of rage and attack mode. Be with and go to people who will love and care and support you. Search onlne for the help lifeline and beyond blue.
A narcissist can not see, nor do they care how their words and actions are effecting and hurting others, nor do they care. They are self absorbed individuals who only seek self interest and what they can get out of the situation, what is in it for them. Their actions and motives are self interest and self serving, they dont care, nor do they see how others feel or needs of others, but how it would make them look, how they appear, and what the hell can gain out of any situation to serve their own self interest. Because to them if they did not do this, then they cease to exist as a person in their mind, in their mind they need to be the way they are towards others to feel of any value in their own mind.
To thosewho are narcissist and know and realise and accept the fact that they are a narcissist. If you want to improve your relationship and interaction with others ( not that you care since by nature a narcissist does not have the ability to empathise, its not in their genetic make up ) but if you are a narcissist and wokd like to improve your relationships with other people, then there is help for you too. Though as a narcissist you have a world of pride and eago and self belief of your value and importance and how great you are, you would not believe that there is anything wrong with you and therefore you believe that you do not need any help from others, we put the challenge to you to see if you are strong enough to prove that you are as good and strong as you think you are by seeking these services ofphysiologist and seeing what things are hndering you from being all that youncould be, explore your childhood and your past. Be the strong person you are and challenge yourself to explore the most troublesome times and painful times of your past nd your childhood. Open up and be strong and challenge yourself to be better than you are now by showing just how strong you are by exploring your painful past with a physiologist, and how they effect you and helped shpe you to be the person you are now, and how yohcan deal with these issues to become an even better person for it. Dont be a coward, dont be a chicken, take up the challenge.